There is magic happening in my house right now. At night, when the day is done, and all becomes quiet. My son is growing. Stretching in the dark, like he’s been sprinkled with fairy dust. Filling out the corners of his bed. Inching himself away from childhood. Releasing an odor that is both the sweetest and most repugnant I have ever known. Teenage boy, I think it’s called. On the...
On a recent Saturday morning, I drove 70 miles solo to watch my daughter compete in a cross-country race. I didn’t turn to NPR or a podcast or one of my Audible books to pass the time. Instead, I listened to the same song on repeat for the entire trip. The tune is three minutes long. The ride took seventy-five. I’ll do the math and tell you that it equals...
When I was in ninth grade, I was teased by some boys that I couldn’t get pregnant because I didn’t have my period. Over a thicket of students, they launched the insult at me while I made my way down the hallway to my next class. It was the first time I’d been body shamed. The first time I used fuck off as a response. Which is worth noting, given...
It’s the new year, and I am reflecting. Looking back at 2018 and all the good stuff that happened. Usually, by the second week of January, I’m already entrenched in my list of resolutions. Giddy to have another go at the areas of my life that need improvement. Grateful for the forgiveness and chance at redemption that January 1 always brings. Of course, this mindset causes the majority of my...
There comes a moment for every mid-lifer when the evolution of humankind becomes apparent. When deep in our bones we understand that our time to disrupt and create and forward human advancement is coming to an end. That the task now belongs to the next generation–the young ones nipping at our heels, dismissing us as old, urging us to move over and let them have their fair shake at improving...
My husband and I have been together for 24 years. Married for 17 of them. There have been incredible highs and spiraling lows. We’ve had two nickels to our name and stretches of great bounty. Some years go by when we hardly see each other. Which is when things usually come to a head and we start making announcements like, “I’m done!” or “Maybe we should just end it.” Of...
I have a revenge fantasy involving my children. Yes, I go there. When beaten down by teenage dismissiveness, indifference, and contradiction, I think about what I could do to pay them back. Not to hurt them, of course, but make them squirm. Feel the discomfort that I feel. I imagine that I get a job as a barista at the Starbucks closest to their school. I work the popular 8-4...
My sister and I were talking the other day. I was home sick with a cold; she had the week off work. Out of the blue, something urged her to check in on me at the exact same time I happened to be walking by my often misplaced phone. I picked up and what ensued was a rare and extravagant two-hour conversation. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I...
I had to give up coffee a couple of months ago when my heart started acting out after weeks of over-training, over-filling an already full plate, and regularly missing meals. This isn’t the first time it’s happened. Six years ago my depleted adrenals and changing hormones urged my ticker to mount a similar intervention. Which it did, quite happily, in the form of tachycardia and a bulging artery that wouldn’t...
Almost everything I know about my family and where they came from was told to me by my father. While my mother didn’t talk much about her past, he readily shared his life. Always over a meal; always accompanied by a history lesson. There were stories about his childhood, meeting my mother, losing his eye in a tragic work accident. But the majority of his tales, the ones he told...
There’s so much noise around turning 50. Does one deny being a half-century old? Embrace the achievement? Fight like the devil to turn back the clock? Without question, this age instigates a new chapter with bigger stakes and a growing sense of urgency. Given our youth-obsessed culture and my own compulsion to stay young, I wondered how honestly I could write about this milestone. Fifty on Fifty is my experiment.
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