For fifty years, I believed that stuffing everything down, that being private and unknowable would earn me some kind of badge of honor. I thought I would rather die than reveal myself. But all that withholding ever did was leave me feeling isolated and perpetually lonely. It’s not like I knew any different. Secrecy and self-containment are part of my DNA. They course through my veins. Put it this way,...
You never know when some stranger is going to tell you exactly what you need to hear. Offer a few sentences or a handful of words that cut through all the mess in your head, the ugly stuff you obsess over in the middle of the night, the things you can’t say out loud. I once believed these encounters were surreptitious and extraordinary–right place, right time and so forth. But...
I ended up at a 5:30pm spin class the other day. Odd for me because I like to work out in the morning when the world is quiet, and most people are still in bed. Even more strange because 5:30pm is the witching hour, that sensitive and highly unpredictable time of day. Typically, I’m hauling kids between school and practices and tutors. Or I’m at home throwing dinner together, monitoring...
I am 45 weeks into this project. Ninety percent complete. I should be heady and elated over the prospect of being done, but that is not the case. Instead, I’m edgy and intense. As if the few thousand words remaining might not be enough for me to figure out the point of my experiment. Perhaps this is how an author feels when they’re nearing the end of a book–praying that...
I didn’t pursue acting because I wanted to become a star, or because I had signed up for all the plays in high school (there were no plays), or because the art form called to me. I became an actor to force my mouth open, which–due to personality or upbringing–was pretty much wired shut. My first instructor, a teacher from Ryerson University in Toronto, told me that if I wanted...
Forgiveness was a word batted around a lot when I was growing up. Mostly because the King James Bible–ever present in my life—taught that we should forgive people as much and as often as God forgives us. In the book of Matthew, Jesus said that amounts to “seventy seven times,” (the sum of which is widely debated, but ultimately means a ton). If someone steals your sheep, rapes your sister,...
A while ago I stopped by Bed, Bath & Beyond to pick up a vacuum filter. It was all I needed that day, the one and only thing on my list. Still, I managed to arrive at the checkout with a cart full of stuff. Specifically a bunch of 400 thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets that I convinced myself would never, ever, go on sale again. I hate this lingering impulsiveness...
I was talking to someone the other day. Someone I love. Someone with whom I have great conversations. In the midst of one of them, they shared with me, quite casually, that over the past year, not one, but three individuals confided in them that they identify as Tolkien elves. By Tolkien, I mean J.R.R. (aka John Ronald Reuel), the Oxford scholar and author of The Lord of the Rings...
On a recent Saturday morning, I drove 70 miles solo to watch my daughter compete in a cross-country race. I didn’t turn to NPR or a podcast or one of my Audible books to pass the time. Instead, I listened to the same song on repeat for the entire trip. The tune is three minutes long. The ride took seventy-five. I’ll do the math and tell you that it equals...
There comes a moment for every mid-lifer when the evolution of humankind becomes apparent. When deep in our bones we understand that our time to disrupt and create and forward human advancement is coming to an end. That the task now belongs to the next generation–the young ones nipping at our heels, dismissing us as old, urging us to move over and let them have their fair shake at improving...
There’s so much noise around turning 50. Does one deny being a half-century old? Embrace the achievement? Fight like the devil to turn back the clock? Without question, this age instigates a new chapter with bigger stakes and a growing sense of urgency. Given our youth-obsessed culture and my own compulsion to stay young, I wondered how honestly I could write about this milestone. Fifty on Fifty is my experiment.
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