Forgiveness was a word batted around a lot when I was growing up. Mostly because the King James Bible–ever present in my life—taught that we should forgive people as much and as often as God forgives us. In the book of Matthew, Jesus said that amounts to “seventy seven times,” (the sum of which is widely debated, but ultimately means a ton). If someone steals your sheep, rapes your sister,...
A while ago I stopped by Bed, Bath & Beyond to pick up a vacuum filter. It was all I needed that day, the one and only thing on my list. Still, I managed to arrive at the checkout with a cart full of stuff. Specifically a bunch of 400 thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets that I convinced myself would never, ever, go on sale again. I hate this lingering impulsiveness...
I was talking to someone the other day. Someone I love. Someone with whom I have great conversations. In the midst of one of them, they shared with me, quite casually, that over the past year, not one, but three individuals confided in them that they identify as Tolkien elves. By Tolkien, I mean J.R.R. (aka John Ronald Reuel), the Oxford scholar and author of The Lord of the Rings...
There is magic happening in my house right now. At night, when the day is done, and all becomes quiet. My son is growing. Stretching in the dark, like he’s been sprinkled with fairy dust. Filling out the corners of his bed. Inching himself away from childhood. Releasing an odor that is both the sweetest and most repugnant I have ever known. Teenage boy, I think it’s called. On the...
On a recent Saturday morning, I drove 70 miles solo to watch my daughter compete in a cross-country race. I didn’t turn to NPR or a podcast or one of my Audible books to pass the time. Instead, I listened to the same song on repeat for the entire trip. The tune is three minutes long. The ride took seventy-five. I’ll do the math and tell you that it equals...
When I was in ninth grade, I was teased by some boys that I couldn’t get pregnant because I didn’t have my period. Over a thicket of students, they launched the insult at me while I made my way down the hallway to my next class. It was the first time I’d been body shamed. The first time I used fuck off as a response. Which is worth noting, given...
It’s the new year, and I am reflecting. Looking back at 2018 and all the good stuff that happened. Usually, by the second week of January, I’m already entrenched in my list of resolutions. Giddy to have another go at the areas of my life that need improvement. Grateful for the forgiveness and chance at redemption that January 1 always brings. Of course, this mindset causes the majority of my...
There comes a moment for every mid-lifer when the evolution of humankind becomes apparent. When deep in our bones we understand that our time to disrupt and create and forward human advancement is coming to an end. That the task now belongs to the next generation–the young ones nipping at our heels, dismissing us as old, urging us to move over and let them have their fair shake at improving...
My husband and I have been together for 24 years. Married for 17 of them. There have been incredible highs and spiraling lows. We’ve had two nickels to our name and stretches of great bounty. Some years go by when we hardly see each other. Which is when things usually come to a head and we start making announcements like, “I’m done!” or “Maybe we should just end it.” Of...
I have a revenge fantasy involving my children. Yes, I go there. When beaten down by teenage dismissiveness, indifference, and contradiction, I think about what I could do to pay them back. Not to hurt them, of course, but make them squirm. Feel the discomfort that I feel. I imagine that I get a job as a barista at the Starbucks closest to their school. I work the popular 8-4...
There’s so much noise around turning 50. Does one deny being a half-century old? Embrace the achievement? Fight like the devil to turn back the clock? Without question, this age instigates a new chapter with bigger stakes and a growing sense of urgency. Given our youth-obsessed culture and my own compulsion to stay young, I wondered how honestly I could write about this milestone. Fifty on Fifty is my experiment.
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